How To Be Your Own Best Friend: 6 Things That Will Help You Get Your Happy Back
A few years ago, I found myself in a new country, a new life… a whole new world. I was surrounded by so many people and yet, I was so alone.
Many times, I questioned this. I tried fighting it, I cried and screamed over it but over time – I embraced it. It became clear that this was a time and calling for me to clear and peel away all the residual layers of mess that life had thrown my way. It was clear that it was time for me to get to know, connect with and learn what it is to truly love and be happy with me for who I am, beneath every kind of label. Yeah, pretty much becoming the epitome of being my own best friend.
It was time for me to quiet that incessant – and at times judgmental – mind chatter that many of us fail to realize is always in the background chattering away about errythang. Ohkayyyy! And, let my intuition and higher self guide me.
I lived in a space where I had no one there to face but me… Where I had no one to talk to but me. Why? Because all the answers to my questions regarding my life’s issues, journey and purpose was not with others more than they was within me. I submerged myself into new understanding and just as snakes shed old skin – I shed old ways, shed old thought patterns and belief systems – I shed the old me.
Mind you, the new me was always present.
However, similar to a caterpillar – I had to find a suitable space, hang alone and turn within… to innerstand… in order for divine shedding, transformation and growth to take place.
For those of you sinking and sitting comfortably in your weekday, workday, and/or life blues, the pursuit of happiness can look rather bleak. True happiness comes from within—it’s not a destination but a lifestyle. Just look at Beyoncé [‘Yours And Mine’, video]. She confirms how the key points below, contribute to greatness—and power to making your dreams become a reality:
Broaden Your Mind
Narrow thinking will positively stunt your growth.Looking at life from different perspectives can help a great deal in achieving greatness. Be open-minded and courageous enough to thoroughly analyze and drop old belief systems—especially those systems that do not seem to be helping you in your journey—those which keep you endlessly “searching” for “something more” to feed that insatiable appetite that you have, for spiritual food [knowledge], and those which keep you subservient, in suffering, and in fear of questioning what you’re being taught. This can be an extremely challenging but ultimately rewarding undertaking especially when having been indoctrinated from one’s beginning and impressionable years.
One helpful perspective for understanding the world and life situation that we’re born into would be to look at life through the lenses of which every individual is here on their OWN tailored journey. This is also crucial to understanding why it isn’t helpful to compare your life with others. Also, keeping in mind that their paths may cross or intertwine with others [yours] at specific times and for specific purpose. This connecting of paths ultimately results in one’s emotional, mental and spiritual development through lessons of maybe: friendship; family, deception; honesty, betrayal; loyalty, forgiveness; blame, loss; winning, happiness; sorrow, love etc.
Narrow thinking will stunt your growth.
Know Thyself (Mind, Body & Spirit…uality)
To know thyself requires soul searching—allowing yourself to feel, asking yourself questions in order to be in tune with who you are, your paths and mission. It’s important to understand why we may attract certain negative things into our lives. Furthermore, it’s important to look at life from different perspectives. For example, you may have once asked yourself: “Why am I always misunderstood or caught up with people who challenge, lie or deceive me?” The answer you may have gotten is that, “your energy attracts such into your life”.
Because the question is normally associated with negative occurrences, you may find such response unsettling to agree with—at first. Though as time goes by you may eventually discover that it is certainly true—to a degree, that is. In this scenario, a helpful perspective would be to understand that the bothersome things and challenges you see and experience most, could very well be what your particular journey is all about—facing and mastering what you may have possibly failed at in another lifetime or embarking on a completely new life journey and experiences which’ll benefit your spiritual evolvement.
After all, we are spiritual beings having a human existence.
Apply Wisdom From Others
Tying in from the first point, apart from close and lifelong family members who will prepare you for, and test you—there will be acquaintances, passer-by’s and other transient people who will be put on your path to help you learn from your lessons and pass your tests as well. And, vice versa. Indeed, for worldly-level testing some interactions, things and people will be genuine and some will be decoys. Either way, as their life path crosses or intertwines with yours—through either direct or indirect interaction, you’ll benefit from their spoken wisdom or you will be a part of or be a witness to the hardships they experience that will influence you to make favorable decisions for your growth. And, vice versa. Just as in the classroom you must pay attention in order to succeed. Your cognizance or lack thereof, will result in either a pass or fail.
View all of life’s circumstances as moments for studying + preparing for eventual tests.
You can look at all circumstances as studying or preparing for eventual tests. Challenges are catalysts to growth. And, those challenges and problems that keep appearing will continue until you grow from [pass] them. But what is a pass or fail, you wonder? There are several scenarios but you’ll figure out sooner or later what your situation requires of you. A pass could be that you stop blaming others and take ownership and responsibility for yourself and actions, and or letting go of people that mean the world to you but do not have your best interest at heart. A fail could be blaming others for your life’s unfavorable outcomes and holding on to people or things despite the constant pain and turmoil they cause you.
Challenges are catalysts to growth.
Embrace All Human Emotions
“Being human is easy,” said no one, ever!
Contrary to what many of your friends’ Facebook Profiles would have you believe—no one’s life is perfect. We are all here because we have life lessons to learn and deliver. You will go through things that you have to go through in order to achieve what you need to in order to grow at soul level.
With all of life’s joys, trials, and tribulations comes those great and not so great feelings and emotions. Of course, it’s easy to embrace the great feelings and emotions but what about the not so great feelings and emotions? Although it does not seem so, the not so great feelings and emotions we all experience, the ones which feel soul wounding: sorrow, anger and envy, do have their benefits. Still, many of us do not realize this because of societal condemnation of these “negative” emotions. As a result, many of us deny, mask, suppress, or react on impulse them. Most times suppressing or reacting destructively on impulse to such emotions cost us dearly in the future.
Once you take the time out to acknowledge and analyze why it is that you’re feeling the negative emotions and feelings mentioned above, by privately asking yourself:
“Self, why am I really feeling bothered, (whatever the issue may be that’s causing your feelings) that she has achieved her personal and career goals?” And answering honestly, “Because I haven’t yet achieved my goals for x, y, z reasons”.
You can unlock your potential as these feelings are there to challenge and motivate us to want and do better for ourselves, to be all that we can be and aligned on the path to becoming our best selves. For the “not so great” feelings of betrayal and heartbreak, change your perspective of what it means to be betrayed and heartbroken. Although you may be a victim and it may hurt, you do not have to allow a victim mentality to keep you stagnant in your growth.
Do not allow a victim mentality keep you stagnant in your growth.
Experiencing, embracing and analyzing the “not so great” feelings is a beautiful thing because of its potential to bring about positive changes and works that benefit self and others.
Stay In The Present!
Planning ahead is wise, of course but live in the present—embrace the “here and now”. You don’t want to be thinking so far off into the future nor so far back into the past—neither which exists—that you are totally distracted from enjoying, living and being happy in the moment. However, this is not to say that you should make reckless and hasty decisions that negatively affect your possible future. Remember, the choices we make today—good or bad—impact our tomorrows.
Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Everything in life depends on balance to work out in the way it is meant to. So, life will surely be rough and shake you right up, throw you curve balls and all, but it will also give you reprieve, in happy moments. Embrace but control heavy emotions when they appear and try your hardest to keep an open mind and positive outlook without being too optimistic. Being overly optimistic is a sure way to set yourself up for disappointment.
You will experience people who you see as godsends and they are—appreciate and value them. But do not depend on others for your happiness. If you are currently unhappy—find and embrace your happy but always remember that true happiness starts from within—it’s not a destination but a lifestyle.
True happiness is not a destination, but a lifestyle.
Don’t worry too much—be happy!
By: Christie Lee
Originally published for XONecole.com